Which came first the music or the misery?

It's not the people who you dated that you get hurt by in the end.

It's the people who you never get the chance to fuck anything up with
that really get under your skin.

Sure the failed relationships suck for a certain amount of time, but
really the only people I've really been emotionally effected by long
term, have been people who I've been involved with without any emotional
repercussions AND people who I've never gotten the chance to fuck
anything up with.

It's really horrible to say but the only few hours of sleep I've gotten
in the past several days have all been nightmares. I don't know what
I'm supposed to do right now when it comes to this.

I'm going to openly go out and state I've done some less than moral
things lately and people who actually know me know what I'm talking
about. also, if you don't know, it's really none of your fucking
business either.

I've been burning candles a lot lately, ones that smell good and
entertain me with a flame, ya know...the normal kind of candle?
Everytime you blow the flame out it gets a little worse everytime you
light it again....it reminds me of something I can't quite put my finger
on.

The song "I Will Possess Your Heart" by a little band called Death Cab
For Cutie has a few opening lines I find way too fitting to even list
here. The rest of the song is pretty creepy though, creepy in a
hey-it-works-for-ben-gibbard-though way.

I've always listened to music and dabbled in making music. I do this
crazy thing where the ratio of lyrics to music is about 20:1. I feel
like throwing it all away and just starting over, but then all the
shitty lame life lessons that have happened to me will be like going to
waste...fuckmylifesometimes.

I waste my life on music,literature, lust and cinema.
I live my life, I'm happy with some of it, and I'm at least
attempting...fuck, I am changing it. I'm changing my life. There we go.
I'm out there

Now I'm going to go back to watching High Fidelity and wishing I owned a
record shop...